My Tamale Adventure

Yesterday, I was invited to the home of a Mexican friend where we spent the day preparing tamales for her family and friends. I was excited to help, as I love to cook, and I think I'm a pretty good cook--that was until I tried to hog-tie a tamale.
She gave me a recipe for the base of the tamale, and I was sure I could whip this up like a pro. It was simply a matter of adding some chicken broth, lard, and spices to the Masa Harina (corn flour) I saw her watching me, and soon she was taking over my job, explaining how to add this and when to add that. She then sent me over to the meat, and told me to shred it, and then add the chili sauce to it.
Now a couple of her sisters had joined the assemble line. One sorted out the corn husks, and smeared the masa on it. Next, one of them added the meat mixture, and passed it to the folder, and she tied it into a perfect little package. After twenty or thirty were assembled, Mama placed them in the steamer. It is believed that only one person can add them to the steamer, or they will not cook properly.
I took my turn at each step, except the steamer. They all agreed I did okay at smearing the masa on the corn husk, not as quickly as they would have, but they were patient with me. Adding the meat mixture was no big problem. But, let me tell you my little packages weren't very pretty. When I folded them, they sort of squirted the meat and masa out, and it ran over the corn husk. Maybe, after twenty or so, with their help, they were looking a little better. I could tell Mama wasn't happy with my help, but the sisters got a good afternoon laugh at the gringa's tamales.
Walking back to my home, I could see people looking at me strangely. When I looked in the mirror, I understood why. It looked like I had murdered someone or something. I had red sauce, everywhere on my body and my clothes were covered with caked on masa, plus meat sauce. A shower was definitely called for.
Today I get to return for the big payoff. Those pretty packages, and some not so pretty, will be our lunch.

WHY I LOVE MEXICO

For those of you who don't know me, I'm a single women, FYI,, not that young. In fact I have grandchildren.

In my new and not too shabby apartment we have a crew of workmen doing some cement work. They have been here for the past two week. In these two week, I have gained two boy-friends.

The one is a twenty-year-old, cuter than you can believe. He stops several times a day to say Hola. Then today he told me I had the most beautiful eyes in the world! Please take off your glasses. Holy shit- then he got right down and looked me in the eye.....and all I can say is I know my heart was pounding and my face was beet-red. But, man, did I love it! Like I said he is ever so cute.

But, then his co-worker has started to stop on my landing when he goes by ten times a day and sings to me. This one isn't so young or so cute. Well, he is cute that he sings to me, but look wise I'll have to say...He is short, fat, and doesn't have many teeth, but he sings me the most romantic song.

But to be honest I'm in love with both of them. Who wouldn't be?

The best part is that I also have a maintenance man,,boy,, who is the funnest, best flirt-er in the world and he is here daily to tell me he loves me and asks when we will-------?

Now you know my secret, for returning to Mexico.

A month after writing --Have You Ever--rented a place sight unseen. I am still in the apartment with a beautiful view and my studio apartment is still undergoing repairs.
Yesterday the owner told me I should be able to move into it today. It was still a mess, with painters, cleaning ladies and the owner trying to make the swamp look nice.
The fridge is a nasty looking thing with splotches of rust. I asked the owner if she would like it in her house. Oh, no, we are moving that to a different apartment. That's nice move it away but don't get rid of it.
I then told her the cleaning ladies didn't have to make the bed because I wanted to spray it with Lysol before I moved in. That's when I almost threw-up. When I lifted back the sheets there was one of those rotting, moldy, foam pads with so much nasty hair and other things. I dropped it and told her there was no way in hell I would ever sleep on that. Oh, we were going to replace all of that.
Then the cushions for the dinning room chairs all had holes in them. I stuck my finger in one hole and it was so rotten it shredded. Oh, we are getting new covers and pads for the chairs.
Well, today, the day I am to move--no one has arrived and it's not going to happen.
I can't wait to see what it looks like on moving day.
The manager of the apartments told me to get mean and if I didn't like something, tell them I wanted my deposit back. This had worked for the last renter and she ended up with a lovely apartment.
I wonder how mean I can get?
By the way this building is only one year old. It has amazing art work on every wall. Gorgeous Mexican ceramics here and there. I believe I am suppose to just look at the pretties and not see the other nasty stuff.
I guess I'll just have to go to the beach and enjoy my wonderful life, as it is today.

Many Marriage Proposals

This is my horoscope for the day-----One of the best things you have to offer the world is your sparkling wit. Bring it out in full force today and have some fun with other witty people. Flirting can be fun whether you have plans of following through or not---if you're with someone who understands there is nothing behind it. Flirt away and have some good clean fun. You may learn some new techniques that will come in handy later.

About an hour after reading this----the maintenance man for my apartment arrived. We always joke and do some big time flirting. Today he was a little more serious and after a few minutes of some chit-chat, he asked me if I would please think about marrying him.
He explained, he would sign a legal paper saying he would never take any money or any of my possessions. I just had to marry him, not even sleep with him, if I didn't want to! Then he could go back to the U.S. legally.
He had been there legally in the past, but after he returned to Mexico the U.S. had cracked-down on immigrations. He had in the past even crossed into Texas via the Rio Grande. Now it would cost him about five thousand dollars, just to get in the line for illegal crossing.
I then told him my story of having no passport and a ticket to Mexico----several years ago while staying at my daughters house in the U.S. her home was robbed. My passport was stolen! I had an airline ticket but no passport. Being funny I told my daughter I thought I'd fly to California, take a bus to the Mexican border and swim the Rio Grande. I was sure I would be the first person swimming into Mexico, not out of Mexico. She thought it was a fantastic idea. I would need to have someone film it. She was sure I'd become famous and probably rich from all the talk-shows. I still think it would be a wonderfully, crazy thing. My biggest problem is I'm not sure but I think I might drown.
My flirting companion, loved the story. We flirted a bit more and then he told me he was just joking, because his wife would kill him before we could ever be married.
I have had several of these proposition's for marriage, and so far never lost my head and agreed to any of them. But, many a woman has, and then found themselves in a long, expensive divorce.

Have You Ever?

Sept. 2010

Have you ever rented an apartment or house sight unseen in a foreign country? Well, I did! Was I thrilled or disappointed??? I’m not sure yet.

I arrived in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico a tourist city that I know quite well. I had rented this apartment after searching Craigslist and seeing how expensive rent had become since my last visit. It looked lovely and had a small pool right out of my front door. The price was right, and the location was okay. It was the swimming pool that sold me on it. I called the realtor, made my deposit and arrived.

I was met by the owner and realtor who told me there was a small problem with my apartment. However, not to worry they would give me a nicer, bigger apartment for the same price. It seems that the apartment that I had rented had a small problem. It now had water running down the walls, yes, running down the walls. Their small problem, is a huge problem. This had been going on for a month, and they rented it anyway. What were they thinking? The entire city has a huge problem with excess rain, and now mold. The elegant apartment they gave me also has a small problem, mold.

Yesterday I was one unhappy woman, today things are brighter. I purchased several cans of Lysol spray, and it at least smells better. When will they have my apartment ready for me???? Oh, maybe in November or December. I have to laugh because otherwise I’d cry. Oh, one other small detail, it is located on a hill that you have to be a mountain goat to climb. I guess I will get in good shape and hope the goats like me. Truthfully, there are goats, tame goats, a block below me.

My lesson of the years is: never rent or buy anything sight unseen.

More Madera beach's nasty waves
April 2010

Back to Madera beach. The waves were still huge and only the local surfers were out. So I just sat back and enjoyed their show. As I was watching the young Rasta boys from the restaurant next to where I was sitting, they all got their boards and headed into the waves. I noticed that one of them had a little boy of about three years old with him. I was a little surprised, but I thought he knew what he was doing. Then the first wave hit him, and the little boy was gone. I jumped up and started yelling for help. The people around didn't seem too concerned. I yelled to a friend that a little boy had gone under and still no-one responded. My daughter and I were up and running, and finally we had the attention of some of the waiters from the next restaurant, and they finally jumped in and someone grabbed the little boy.
The more I thought about it the madder I got at his father. When the mother arrived, she gave her husband a mouth-full of trouble, which made me feel better.
I'll never understand why he took his son out in such a big surf, But he did. I'm sure he'll never do it again, or he'll have the wrath of his wife on him.
I was just glad to see this little boy walking around eating a taco, later.

Ass-kicking waves in Mexico
April-2010

On Madera beach in Zihuatanejo is where I spent most days. The beach is small with a lot of local kids playing football or surfing. In April the waves got bigger and bigger. My grand kids had come to visit and seemed to enjoy the beach and the waves. Later in the afternoon I had had enough of playing the good grandmother and told their mom, "I was going out to catch a few waves. It had calmed down and the waves weren't huge by any means. As I walked into the water my four year old granddaughter went whizzing by on her inner-tube. I looked back to make sure she was safely on shore. That's when a huge wave hit me, breaking over my turned head. It knocked me around but I recovered in time to see another one coming. I dove under and as I came back up, there was another one coming at me. So again and again I dove down. This happened for four of these break-ass waves, and I was hoping that was the end! If not I, was sure it would have been the end for me. I caught my breath and staggered to shore. There stood my daughters with big smiles on their faces and telling me what a beach-bum I had become. I guess they didn't notice my white face and the spit and snot coming from my nose and mouth. I was just glad to be able to walk ashore.
Back on the beach several friends were telling me what a great job I had done with those huge waves. I told them all, "Thanks for coming to save my life, I was damn near drowned, and you're all sitting here thinking it's cool."
I packed up my gear and went home to recover. It took me several trips back to the beach before I venture into the water again, and even then I was a little more cautious than normal for me.

In 2009-2010 I returned to Zihuatanejo. Because I thought it was a great place to sit and write a book. My plan was to refine my book and enjoy the ocean. So I caught a flight in September and sat back for a peaceful return to my favorite city.

And Then The Universe Kicked My Butt

Have you ever thought you were so cool and worldly that you could just catch a flight and land in some foreign country without a thought to what might go wrong? Being in this frame of mind I returned to Mexico to the little village of Zihuatanejo. With my know- it- all attitude and self assurance, I caught the local bus from the airport instead of paying through the teeth for a taxi. Very smartly I returned to the nice, reasonable priced, clean hotel that I remembered from previous trips. Everything was going just as smoothly as I had planned. Why shouldn’t it? I’d done this trip before, and the Universe just smiled, and I’d go on my smart-ass way.
The next morning I set out to see about renting my old apartment, hoping it was available. My ex-landlady Ada, and I had a big hug and chatted about what had been happening in Zihua while I’d been gone. Then I asked about renting one of her apartments. I and was a little disappointed when she didn’t have one available. Sweet Ada smiled and said, “But my sister has a lovely apartment for rent.” Come on, we’ve all heard that one before. There is always a relative that has what you need. “Ok, I’ll go look but I can’t pay more than $300-$350 a month.” Ada’s sister agreed to the price and off we went to see her three-bedroom, three- bath, for $350USD a month. Yes, I am doubtful but it will be fun to see it. To my amazement it was wonderful, really wonderful. What did I need with three bedrooms, or three bathrooms when it’s just me? Who cares? I wanted it. This place was better than I could ever imagine? So without looking any further I took it, and asked her to sign a contract so she couldn’t change her mind. This was way too good to be true! The prices for apartments in the central area are usually that much for a studio or one bedroom. Still in the mind frame of: Oh, it is all just so easy when you know what you are doing. I moved in that same day.
My kitchen is the cutest kitchen in all of Mexico. I am sitting at the table drinking coffee and doing some writing when I look up and there is a very big person standing in the middle of my kitchen. I ‘m not sure if it is a man or a woman, but which ever it is big. I am so startled I’m not sure what to do, so I yell at this person, “What are you doing? What do you want? Go, go! Get out of here”. Then this person mumbled, “I go bathroom.” “No, you go away.” Then I jumped-up and locked my door.
Several days later I was talking to Fatty, my landlady, and she told me that her daughter liked to use my bathroom, and might come upstairs to use it, at times. “No! That is not possible. You must tell her she can’t do that any longer, because I live there now.”
Oh, yes then there is the rooster that roosts in the tree directly outside my bedroom window that crows not at day-break, but at 3:30—4:00—4:30 in the morning, every morning. He seems to crow for about 30 minutes and then rests for 30 minutes to resume his crowing. Just when you are falling asleep, there he goes again, until dawn. My favorite song now is They’ve Come to Kill the Rooster, and I wish someone would. I bought a sling-shot in hopes of persuading him to give up his roost. The first one was plastic and it immediately broke. Then I bought another wood one, and I now have big bruises on my wrist from trying to hit even the tree. The rooster remains in the tree, at this point in time.
My apartment is on the second floor of a nice little house, with beautiful plants encircling it. Sitting in my kitchen you feel like you're in the jungle, as you’re surrounded by huge trees and vines, with flowers everywhere, and birds flying in and out of the big mango tree. It’s sort of like living in a tree-house.
The kitchen is an open-kitchen, with ornate metal work, but no true walls or windows. The metal has designs of stars, octopus, sea-shells, and a couple of cute fish. It’s very airy and open, and it's just darling, which I loved until last tonight. As I was turning off the kitchen lights, the bats arrived. They buzzed through and I’d be lying if I told you there were more than one, but it seemed like dozens. I have no idea because I covered my head and ran into the bedroom, not returning until this morning. Now I plan to leave the lights on and just hope they stay away. God, how I hate bats!
The other thing about my lovely airy, open kitchen with it’s ornate metal designs is: when it rains. Well, when it rains, it floods not only my kitchen, but my bedroom is lower, so it floods there also. With the slightest breeze, the rain drowns my kitchen. I had sort of wonder what it would be like when it rained. Now I know! I’m happy to say it’s the end of the rainy season, or I would be spending my time mopping, instead of writing.
Now there is a new addition to my discomfort; someone practicing the trumpet. He has to be a beginner because it is horrid, and he plays it at 10:30 at night and 6:30 every morning. I’m thinking of offering him an outrageous amount of money for his trumpet or buying him a guitar. I’m not sure which is worse the rooster or the trumpet.
The worst thing about my lovely apartment is rather hard to describe, without sounding like a real bitch, but it’s the most difficult to live with. The people next door have a mentally handicapped young woman, and she screams, and screams, and screams. However, the other noise she makes for long periods of time, sounds like a person having a sexual experience. You may laugh; but this goes on two or three times a day, and it is loud, really loud. Oh, yes, and then there is a baby that cries half the day. In the past, I thought the loud music played in Mexico was annoying, ha, now they can play it as loud as they like, and I’ll never complain. Sometimes it would be a blessing, just to deaden the noises from next-door.
Moral of my story: “When it sounds too good, it probably is!” But I think the truth is: it was just a small message from the Universe kicking my butt and telling me to not be such a smart-ass, and that I still have many lessons to learn.
Through all this craziness, I still laugh and think it's quite fun living in my airy, open kitchen, with roosters crowing and people screaming. It's another adventure that I wouldn't trade for anything.